The Cougar Patrol

So, after 8 straight months without time off from the office, it was definitely time for a break.  Deciding that this break needed to involve a trip of epic proportions, I figured it would be a good time to head off in search of adventure.  The Patrol enlisted a wingman, and off we went to…Mother Russia.  Now now, pay no attention to the armed gunmen outside the Georgian embassy.  Who cares if there’s a war on?  Should make it easier to get around, right?  Well, sort of.  Turns out, we didn’t speak Russian so well.  Which made adventures on the Metro system, well, adventures.  But there was caviar to be eaten, vodka to be drank, and clubs to hit.  Unfortunately, only 2 out of those three panned out in the manner we intended to happen.  The law of unintended consequences made for a great adventure though, and so here are some shots from our Moscow experience.

 

Well, here it is. Red Square.  Home of the power of Russia since the mid 10^th century.  How’s that for old?  I’m sure these images are pretty familiar to most anyone who’s ever seen a picture of Russia.

This is Lenin’s tomb.  No, we did not go in and take a look.  The line was too long, and we were way to hungover to try and get up at 8 am to beat the crowd.

This is St. Basil’s cathedral, and probably the most recognizable landmark in Moscow.  I’m not going to lie, it was a bit disappointing inside.  It was very high on the inside, but the rooms were very narrow, and it left me feeling like I was in a cramped space. 

This is the large gun inside the Kremlin walls.  It only really ever fired a few stones.  Mostly just ceremonial.  Pretty big though.

This huge space belongs to the GUM department store.  It’s basically the communists’ answer to the malls of America, and damn if it isn’t the most expensive place to shop that I’ve ever seen that wasn’t named Tiffany (the Bentley dealership is just a few blocks away, as well.

This is a view from the bridge on the river.   You can see the GUM, St. Basil's, and the Kremlin walls encircling Red Square.  The square itself is giant, and makes times square look small and thin.  It's just as crowded too.  But instead of fat tourists form Wisconsin, there are some of the hottest (and I mean HOTTEST) women on the planet there.

 

Here is a shot of Gorky Park.  Yes, we followed the Mockba down to it.  No wind though.  It was a pretty sunny day, not many clouds.

This is the stadium where they held the Olympics back in 1980.  They’re still selling leftover merchandise from those games.

 

We took a swing by KGB HQ during our trip.  There were no tours, but I imagine they are a bit intense.

Here’s a shot of one of the subway stations.  It’s hard to imagine from these pictures, but this station is roughly 400 feet underground, and it takes 2 minutes to get here via escalator.  Think about that.  Trains come every 90 seconds on the dot.  Not a piece of trash in sight.  Oh, and the white walls?  Marble.  Every single station.  New York MTA, you have been served, bitch.

 

Remember I said there was a bit of a war going on?  Well guess what?  Yup, by the grace of god our hotel was next door to the Georgian Embassy.  It’s quite a fun thing to have a van full of Russian soldiers in front of your hotel with AK-47’s hanging ready.  I didn’t take a picture of them, because I have enough holes in my body thank you very much.

 

I did however get a shot of the protest some students were setting up in front though.  Amazing how the news spins these things in a country without freedom of the press.

Of course, being the good Americans that we are, we decided to support the Georgian peoples by eating at one of their restaurants in Moscow.  It was a wise and tasty decision.  It was also a crazy restaurant. This is the only decent shot that isn’t blurry.  Stupid flash.

 

Finally, In an effort to display both a) our love for capitalism and b) capitalism's bitch-slapping of communism, we headed to the most symbolic of American-exported institutions.  Yes, we went to McDonald's.  At the Kremlin.  McDonald’s fries tasted exactly the same there as they do here.

And you know what they taste like?

Freedom, Baby.  Yeah.

 

 

Note: More pics to follow when the Wingman sends me his photos.